


A Little Bird Told Me

by Fool of a Book Wyrm (Lafeli85)



Series: Exchanges & Gifts [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anger Management, Enemies to Friends, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Magic, POV First Person, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Pre-Book 1: Carry On, Pre-Book 2: Wayward Son, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23817352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafeli85/pseuds/Fool%20of%20a%20Book%20Wyrm
Summary: “He’s about to find himself expelled from school and possibly locked in a tower, is what he’s doing.” The Mage begins. I need to alert Snow to my fib, hope he plays along. This whole story hinged on The Mage not being able to fact check my story. Not right away at least.“I was upset that youbroke up with meby bird tonight,” I interrupt quickly before I can lose what little edge I may have, “so I came over here to take out my anger on your mentor’s home. I was going to spell it away before I left. I had no idea you were here. I thought you were sent off to care homes every summer. I certainly would not have done this to get back at you for breaking my heart, not if it put me at risk of being expelled and never seeing you again.” This line of conversation has spiraled far too close to the truth for my own comfort. I’m just really hoping Snow understands the urgency of playing along. Crowley, I’m sure I’m giving him far too much credit. This numpty will never play along. This is exactly what he’s been trying to do since third year.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Exchanges & Gifts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077686
Comments: 9
Kudos: 114





	A Little Bird Told Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nightimedreamer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightimedreamer/gifts).



>   
>  **Set at the beginning of summer between 7th and 8th year.**   
> 
> 
> Thank you to [Ampithoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ampithoe/pseuds/Ampithoe) for beta reading for me! I wrote the majority of this in the middle of the night and I'm ever so grateful she was willing to drop everything to help me out.  
> 
> 
> This fic is dedicated to the lovely [Nightimedreamersworld](https://nightimedreamersworld.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. She reblogged a list of fake-ex AU prompts and kindly asked anybody willing to write one about Snowbaz to do so. So thanks to her, this mess happened. It was actually really fun to write, and got me away from the couple of epic fics I've been working on that are trying to destroy my soul and eat my happiness.  
> The prompt I chose was:  
> "I’m egging your house for a dare but your parent is a cop and they’re yelling at me so I told them that you were my ex and you wronged me and now you’re coming outside and please go along with this I don’t want to go to jail"

**BAZ**  
“How many you got left?” Dev’s voice comes across my earbuds. I look down at the carton in my hand. 

“Last one.” I rang Dev on my drive out of Hampshire. I knew he wouldn’t try to talk me out of whatever I was about to do, and would probably amp me up. If I wanted to be reasoned with, I’d have rung Niall. “I cannot believe what this arsehole said about my mum at the coven meeting!” I’m absolutely fuming. When Malcolm came home from the coven meeting tonight, neither he nor Daphne realized I was in the hallway listening. I’ve not quite reached the age of majority, so I’m still not allowed to take my place at coven meetings. As the heir of House Pitch and soon to be top of my year graduating from Watford, I tend to do what I can to liberate political information in preparation for the day I attend my first meeting. Malcolm is still a farmer at heart he’s just keeping my seat ready for when I take my mother’s place. 

_“Natasha Pitch deserved what she got. If she had more safeguards on the grounds, and had not alienated so many magical beings with her elitist ideals, maybe the vampires wouldn’t have breached the gates and destroyed her legacy. Maybe she would still be here today, continuing to push those ideals on to today’s generation. Keeping powerful individuals like Simon out of Watford for having the wrong last name and upbringing.” That’s what he said about Tasha! If Basilton were to have heard that. I just can’t stomach the thought of him hearing Davey’s slander against his mother._

I had heard enough. I walked straight to the kitchen, grabbed a dozen eggs from the fridge, and drove an hour away just to egg his house. What am I even doing here? This is below me. My mother would be so disappointed in how I’m honoring the name she gave me. As I throw the last one, it hits a window. A moment later a light comes on. Then another, and then the porch patio light as the front door slams open with the Mage standing there glaring at me with his wand pointed directly at me. 

I whisper a quick goodbye to Dev and carefully click disconnect on the phone in my pocket. I don’t need him overhearing whatever this mess is about to be. 

“Mr. Pitch. What, may I ask, do you think you’re doing at my house? I don’t know if you realize this, but vandalization is a serious crime. One that could get you _expelled_ from school, not to mention thrown in the tower. What would your dear mother think, knowing her only son and the last remaining heir to such a powerful and influential family was cast out of her beloved Watford over a petty crime?”

His words make me see red. I’ve never hated anybody like I hate The Mage. Not even Simon during 1st year when he bounced that infernal ball everywhere he went, or 5th year when he stalked me relentlessly, never giving me a moment’s peace. This is a rage and loathing that I’d never wish to feel. I want to rip his throat out with my fangs. I want to destroy him and everything he’s taken from me and my family. But I can’t. I can’t let my mother down and the legacy she gave me to protect. 

“I’m sorry, Sir.” I manage to get out. I’m seething, but a Pitch never gives away his emotions. I learned that posturing from Malcolm. I need to get myself out of this mess I got myself into. “I know it’s not an excuse, but I was taking out my anger over Simon on your house since I don’t know where he’s staying this summer.” What am I saying? What good could possibly come from this line of thought?

“Simon?” The Mage is equally as confused as I am about what I’m saying. I’ve put my foot in it now, best finish what I’ve started. “What could Simon possibly have done to you now, in the middle of summer holiday, to warrant you coming to _my_ house to vandalize it?”

Better think quick, Pitch. You’re brilliant. Top of your class. An excellent liar and sneak when need be. “He sent a bird. To break up with me.” My mouth was moving faster than my brain. How is _that_ what I came up with for an excuse? _Why_ is that the excuse I came up with?

“Simon sent a bird,” The Mage says slowly, like it pains him to process the words I just said. “To break up with you. You and Simon. My Simon?” He whispers the last bit. I think he’s talking to himself. I don’t think he knows I can hear him. _His_ Simon? I’ll have to unpack that statement later, I have too many problems in front of me at the moment. 

“Yes, Sir. Simon and I had been dating all last term. We kept it quiet because we didn’t want to upset you or the families. I’m sure you can understand, but he broke up with me. By bird, too much of a coward to do it to my face.” If I can’t backtrack this situation, at least I can throw a couple insults at Simon to balance myself. 

A door hinge creaking behind The Mage alerts us both to a being standing on the threshold. Golden hair. Tawny skin. Blue eyes. I know those eyes, but I don’t understand how he’s here. 

“Snow?” I can’t stop myself. I’ve been thinking about him so much over the summer, and talking about him now, I almost think I’ve conjured a hallucination. 

“What’s going on?” He asks as he takes a step forward. “What are you doing here, Baz?” 

“He’s about to find himself expelled from school and possibly locked in a tower, is what he’s doing.” The Mage begins. I need to alert Snow to my fib, hope he plays along. This whole story hinged on The Mage not being able to fact check my story. Not right away at least. 

“I was upset that you _broke up with me_ by bird tonight,” I interrupt quickly before I can lose what little edge I may have, “so I came over here to take out my anger on your mentor’s home. I was going to spell it away before I left. I had no idea you were _here_. I thought you were sent off to care homes every summer. I certainly would not have done this to get back at you for breaking my heart, not if it put me at risk of being expelled and never seeing you again.” This line of conversation has spiraled far too close to the truth for my own comfort. I’m just really hoping Snow understands the urgency of playing along. Crowley, I’m sure I’m giving him far too much credit. This numpty will never play along. This is exactly what he’s been trying to do since third year. 

“Never see you again? I. Baz. I-” Simon blusters beautifully. He’s not sounding at all like a boy who just broke up with his vowed archnemesis. But at least he’s not outright denying it all. Yet. 

“I just couldn’t stand the thought of living the entire coming year in the same room and never being able to call you darling again.” The words are flowing out of my mouth now, every dark desire I’ve locked down for years is spilling from my lips in hopes of salvaging this situation. After this is all done, if he miraculously plays along, I’ll just deny it all to him. Swear it was part of my ploy to get out of trouble. If I mention what happened with the coven to him, I’m sure he’ll leave it be. He always gets weird around me when my mum is brought up. I think not having parents has given him a special appreciation for what it feels like to be missing that part of who you are. 

“Uh. Yeah,” he says dumbly. Well, it isn’t a full agreement to what I’m saying, but it’s something. 

“Simon, you’ve been _dating_ Basilton Grimm- _Pitch_? Your roommate, whom you’ve begged to be separated from for years. The heir to the families that are trying to destroy everything I’ve been working to build? I don’t understand.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard The Mage sound confused. If this wasn’t such a dire situation, I’d be enjoying every moment. But as it stands, Simon bloody Snow reasoning with him is what is going to save my future. 

“Um. Yes, sir? Baz and I have been. Uh. Dating. That’s it. I’m not sure if I understand it either Sir, to be honest.” Well, that makes three of us. 

“We wanted to keep it secret until after graduation, Sir. Because of your politics and the families.” If I spin this right, and quickly, I may be able to tie this mess together neatly and be on my way. “But Simon had a change of heart over the summer it seems, so you will not need to worry about the ramifications of what might have been. So, I think I’ll just clean up this mess and be on my way if that’s all right. I’m sorry for causing you trouble tonight.” 

I think I saved the situation quite nicely. I slip my wand out of my sleeve and cast a **“Into thin air”** on the egg splatters, then turn quickly on my heels to stalk off to my car. I’m halfway across the lawn before I hear a few hushed words and Simon Snow running after me yelling my name. 

He grabs at my arm to tug me to a stop before I make it to the car. “Snow, you can’t just grab at people to make them do what you want.” I sneer at him. Why am I like this? Not a minute ago I was convincing him to go along with a lie about us breaking up from a relationship we never had and spilling out hidden truths that were locked away deep in my cold, dead, heart. Now I’m snapping at him like he’s personally wronged me.

“Well. I shouted your name. You didn’t stop. I need to know. What is going on? Why did I just lie to The Mage for you?” I stop and turn slowly to face him. I give him a bored look, like he’s beneath me. (He is. Beneath me. Always. By at least 3 inches.) 

“If you must know, your arsehole mentor spent the evening disparaging my mother’s name and legacy to the entire Coven. When I heard my father telling my step-mother about it, I stormed off and drove straight here. I hadn’t quite thought it through completely, and he caught me. I told him I was mad because you broke up with me. I figured if anything would keep him off my back, it would be the idea that his perfect chosen one did something wrong. I had no reason to believe you’d actually be here. Why _are_ you here, anyway? Don’t you have some poor care home to terrorize?”

He just stares at me for a minute like I have an extra eye. I may have extra teeth, but I know they’re hidden away at the moment. “I refused to go to a care home again. Told him if he didn’t have a better solution then I’d rent a flat of my own with Penny for the summer hols. He didn’t want me in the city where I could be easily found. So he agreed to allow me to come stay with him for the summer.”

Huh. I’m strangely proud of him for finally standing up to The Mage about something. Anything, really. He’s never stood his ground when The Mage told him to do something he didn’t want to. He has always caved, no matter how terrible the mission. But I can’t let him know that I hold anything more than animosity toward him. 

“Well, thank you Snow. For covering for me tonight. It was decent of you. I won’t bother you again this summer. I know you’ll have a bit of explaining to do after you go back in, so I’ll allow you to call in one favor at any time this year to make up for it. Maybe I can get you a decent grade on a homework assignment for once.” 

“I’d like to call in that favor right now,” he’s looking at me intently. “I want you to keep in touch with me this summer. At least a couple times a week. I have a mobile during summer hols. I’m going to give you the number, and you’re going to text me. Maybe we’re fake-ex’s now, but I think we could maybe not be enemies too?”

Not be enemies. Simon Snow wants to not be enemies, and wants me to keep in contact. Maybe this night isn’t as bad as I thought it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hello to me on [Instagram](https://instagram.com/fool_of_a_book_wyrm) and [Tumblr!](http://foolofabookwyrm.tumblr.com/) I love new friends!


End file.
